Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
