I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
