dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Randomize
