3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
