You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
