...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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