He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
