Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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