got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
