Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
