i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
