Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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