Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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