I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
