I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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