And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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