the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
