Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
