Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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