Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
