it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
