Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
