How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Your dad touched me again.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
