i barfeds in our rink
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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