Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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