Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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