I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
