i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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