My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
