Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
