I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
