life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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