and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's get the cat blown out
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
