you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
