I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
