And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Oh god it's open bar.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
