i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I die, sorry about rent.
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