i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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