Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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