Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
