just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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