Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
