Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
