the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
sex in a hospital.. check
I could fuck to npr.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
