i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
