I could have mohawked her pubes.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
