just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You're a waste of cheezeits
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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