If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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