I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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