There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
