I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
