Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
