Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
