so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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