I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
