That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
