You really coming over, don't trick.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
