Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
